3 definitions by jimmydevious
Any lowly employee in a retail big box store. Commonly seen wearing colored polo shirts with name tags and khaki pants, carrying some sort of portable barcode scanning apparatus, such as a scan gun. Usual habitats include, but are not limited to: Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival, and at one time, Blockbuster Video. The Scan Monkey is well-known for its constant screeches of sarcasm and passive-aggressive tendencies, particularly towards figures of authority and their customers.
Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.
Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.
Jimmy: Let's see, I'm 30 now and I've worked at Walmart, Blockbuster, Hot Topic, Krogers, Best Buy, Sears, and now I'm doing a nickel as an Assistant Guest Services Specialist over at Rent-A-Center.
Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*
Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!
Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*
Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!
by jimmydevious January 27, 2013
A strange fast food phenomena where women in your life have the automatic, compulsive need to reach over and swipe some of your french fries before you eat; whether she has her own order of fries or not.
Joe Blow: Hey QUIT IT!! Jack, your GF just took like a handful of both our fries before we've even had the chance to sit down!! Isn't she having a SALAD??
Jack Schmo: Duuuude don't argue with it. It's The Fry Tax.
Jack Schmo: Duuuude don't argue with it. It's The Fry Tax.
by jimmydevious January 21, 2013
When two or more individuals in a grocery store decide to stop with their shopping carts next to one another and have a LOOOOONG conversation, thus blocking out the entire aisle until their meaningless chatter is concluded.
I would have gotten the rice krespies like you wanted, but these two women had a cartversation right in the middle of the cereal aisle and I couldn't get to it.
by jimmydevious December 18, 2012